First Trimester | Parenthood

We found out we were expecting again on 4th May 2021, it was the first day of our staycation and we'd packed my favourite tipples ready for a few days away. They obviously were put to one side, and we enjoyed our week away albeit scared in case we lost the baby. (If you haven't seen my previous post, we suffered a loss a few months prior) 

We filled in the form online to arrange my booking in appointment with the midwives and awaited a response. I never made it to my booking in appointment previously so I had no idea what to expect. 

I got a response pretty quickly - as part of the form you are able to advise of any previous complications or losses, so I'm not sure if that was a factor or if they were just not as busy. 

We also booked a private scan for 6 weeks, the earliest you are able to do so. As mentioned previously, they were unable to find a heartbeat at that appointment, although they could see the sac and foetal pole, and when we went back a week later we heart that magical noise for the first time. 

At my booking in appointment I was about 8 weeks, and spoke to my lovely midwife about how bad I was feeling expecting her to tell me to 'toughen up' and that this was what pregnancy was. Luckily she was amazing and told me I didn't have to go through the rest of pregnancy feeling this bad, having spent the week previous in bed unable to move for fear of being sick, and only able to eat half a ritz cracker every half hour or so. 

It was then I was put onto tablets and they were life savers! I recommend them to anyone I know struggling with nausea throughout pregnancy, although I know it's not the route that everyone wants to take. 

We spoke about all of my medical history, including my anxiety as I had had to come off of my medication in order to conceive due to the high dose I was on. She was really good at signposting me to places that could help if I felt I needed any additional support for both my anxiety and our previous loss. 

My midwife also explained that due to my BMI I would need to have 'Gap and Grow' scans as due to me being plus size they may not be able to measure my bump as they would with those with lower BMI. To be honest, I saw this as a win - I get to see my baby more? Brilliant! (Before anyone comes for me, I'm not promoting a high BMI, although I do think that the BMI scale is ridiculous but thats a whole other topic!)

We also spoke about my hyper mobility, as this, coupled with my BMI meant I would be consultant led. This would mean extra appointments with a consultant and I wouldn't be able to give birth in a birth centre. Again, I was happy about this. Being an anxious person, I like to be able to get as much information as possible and our nearest birth centres are about a half hour drive from the hospital which gave me anxiety in case anything went wrong!

We then went through all my family medical history and I asked any questions I had. I would definitely suggest making a note before you go of anything you want to ask as my mind went blank. 

I left armed with my medication and feeling a bit more at ease. 

The next few months went quite slowly, I was losing weight just from feeling sick. The tablets helped the general nausea, but if I tried to eat too much I would feel sick quickly. I also suffered with a LOT of food aversions. Garlic was the worst. I could sniff it out even in things such as humus so was devastated as that is one of my favourite foods. Cooking in general also made me feel nauseous- so poor Jack would cook some meals and then I couldn't eat hardly any of it.

I actually made a note of my symptoms week by week until about 12 weeks : 

Week by week

4-5 weeks 

• Nausea
• Sleepless nights 
• Hormones raging - emotional!! 
• Slight cramping on rhs 
• Really enjoying spicy 🌶 food 

5-6 weeks 

• Diarrhoea 👍🏻
• More discharge than usual (completely normal)
• Still not sleeping well 
• Still have some cramping on rhs 
• Loving Lilt! 
• Itchy face is back 😩
• Lots of smells are horrible to me! (Black pepper, noodles, Turkish)
• Horrendous Nausea 🤮 

6-8weeks

• Nausea is awful still - tablets seem to help though 
• All smells of cooking make me feel sick as well as fridge/bin 
• Started liking iced coffee again 
• Loving gummy sweets, crumpets and twister ice lollies! 

9-11 weeks

• Nausea tablets helping loads but smells still making me nauseous 
• Iced coffee has gone out the window again 
• Sweets are still a life saver 
• Cereal is back as a craving 
• Meat aversion is strong! Barely eaten any for a few weeks 
• Sleeping is hard - getting up to wee a LOT 
• Belly getting bigger 
• Mood swings! 
• VERY inpatient! 

At about 10 weeks, we had another private scan and then our first NHS scan at 12 weeks. We decided to have the tests for Downs Syndrome, Edwards' Syndrome and Patau's Syndrome. This is done with a blood test and they also measure the fluid in the back of baby's neck. You will usually receive results in a few weeks following your scan. 

We were in in the hospital for hours! Our little pickle kept moving so much they struggled to get the measurements. After drinking what felt like my my body weight in liquid, we finally managed to get them. Although the picture we were given was awful - we didn't get a decent scan picture until much later on in pregnancy. 

It was after our 12 week scan that we felt comfortable enough to make our pregnancy public and here's how we did it: 

#BirbkysAssemble - January 2022 

Is it obvious we are huge marvel fans? 

On that note - we are off to watch Doctor Strange tonight, so for now;

Much Love as Always, 

Pregnancy After Loss | Parenthood

 TRIGGER WARNING: MISCARRIAGE 

This post has been a long time coming, having not written anything on here for nearly 2 years and what a couple of years it has been for us and everyone in the world. 

In the last two years we have brought our own house and moved in during the first lockdown (with no rental vans and only Jack's parents helping as we had been living with them!) we have worked from home along with the rest of the country,  have had many zoom quizzes as well as a Zoom Christmas, we have had many laughs and game nights just us two, armed with board games and shots - highly recommended! 

However, the last two years have also come with loss, like with most people. 

At the beginning of 2021 after over a year of trying to conceive, we fell pregnant. The same month that I had started having tests to look into why it was taking so long. 

We were over the moon and decided to video us telling our parents, siblings and close friends, armed with our digital tests and excited for our first private scan booked for my birthday. 

Unfortunately, the week before my birthday and the pre-booked scan, we lost our baby. It was the worst time of our lives and it took us a long while to get back to our day to day lives. No one can ever explain to you how losing a baby will affect you and you will never understand unless it has happened to you. We sadly have a few friends who have also been through the same experience, yet none of our experiences will be the same and until we had gone through it ourselves, we didn't really understand. 

Life was hard, we had a whole new perspective on it, but life had to go on and a few months later, we found out we were expecting again. 

This time, we only told our parents. 

We didn't want to have to go through the process of telling everyone if we lost this baby too as it was hard enough the first time, but we knew we would need support if the worst did happen which is why we told them. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it. The first few weeks were fucking terrifying. 

Every time I went to the toilet, I was petrified of seeing blood - which in all honesty, didn't ever go away until he was here safe.  

I didn't want to get too excited until we could see the scan and see a heartbeat, so when we finally made it to the 6 week mark (which is when you can first have a private scan) and they said we needed to come back in a week as they couldn't see a heartbeat yet, I was petrified. I will say, that this is completely normal, and if like me, you ovulate a week late, then this is actually to be expected. 

That week went by sooooo slowly - but when we finally got to see that heartbeat. Just wow. That moment can't be explained and we were able to breathe a little easier. 

We had decided to not tell anyone else until our 12 week scan - which is pretty standard for most people, and then the nausea started and boy did it hit me hard. Because of this, we decided to tell my managers (who are also two of my best friends) as it was affecting my work. 

I had never had any symptoms with my first pregnancy, so it was a shock to the system. At my booking in appointment I was about 8 weeks, and spoke to my lovely midwife about how bad I was feeling and she explained to me that this was a good sign. The fact I had such strong symptoms meant my levels must be quite high and this is a great sign for a healthy pregnancy which helped put me at ease.

We decided that we couldn't wait until our 12 week scan to see baby again and so booked another private scan at about 10 weeks. I fully appreciate that private scans can be very expensive and not everyone is able to afford one, let alone two, but we found that the peace of mind was worth every penny. 

Then we had our official 12 week NHS scan two weeks later and we were very lucky as by this point, Jack was able to come along with me as long as he had a negative lateral flow test. 

We ended up being at the hospital for three hours because baby was being such a pickle, and at every scan the sonographer struggled to show us his face. We just about managed to get a relatively good picture of his profile at about 30 weeks.

The whole pregnancy I had problems with the nausea, taking tablets up until I was in labour. I know not everyone chooses that route, but they were a god send. I also struggled with PGP (Pelvic Girdle Pain) and because of my hyper mobility was in more pain than usual, but I would happily go through it all ten times for Henry. He is more than worth it. 

I do believe everything happens for a reason, and whilst I would never wish losing a baby on my worst enemy, if we hadn't have gone through that horrendous period of time, Henry wouldn't be with us today. 

Pregnancy after loss is super hard, your mind is constantly in panic mode and as much as people tell you to relax, that is very hard to do. It is also completely normal to not feel excited for the new pregnancy, due to the anxiety you are feeling. 

I naively thought there would be extra support or scans, but unfortunately this isn't something the NHS are able to offer. Although I believe if you have sadly had more than 2 losses, they do offer more. 

My midwife did signpost me to charities and other organisations if I needed to speak to anyone which I appreciated, but did not take her up on as I am better gathering information to process myself rightly or wrongly but I do know a lot of people prefer to talk it out.

Everyone in this position will have a different experience to us, this is just ours. 

We did buy our first outfit after the 20 week scan, once we knew that baby was as ok as he could be at that point in time. 

It started feeling more real as I started to get a proper bump and started to feel him moving. Being plus size it took a little while to get a noticeable bump rather than just looking like I’d eaten too much cake during lockdown, and also a little longer for Jack to be able to feel him moving but I’m sure he’ll tell you it was worth the wait for sure. 

I do think after experiencing a loss you worry about every little thing and because of this I did end up at triage a couple of times due to reduced movement and very early on because of pain. Luckily everything was absolutely fine everytime we went in and the midwives and doctors were so understanding and never made me feel like I had wasted their time. 

One time in particular, I was about 6 months pregnant and had quite a lot of cramping. They asked me to come in to just monitor me and baby and check everything was ok. 

They went above and beyond, getting a doctor to come and scan me to confirm everything was fine as well as taking a swab to confirm I wasn’t in early labour. They were aware of my previous loss and made sure I felt at ease before I left to go home.

 I can’t thank them enough as every time I went in I never felt like I was over reacting at all. 

Due to my BMI we actually got more scans for “Gap and Grow” so they can measure the baby. (I was over the moon that we could see him more often to be honest, regardless of the reason!) 

We also chose not to find out baby’s gender as I had never wanted to - I wanted the surprise! (Much to Jack’s disgust!) 

That moment they lifted him above the screen was the best feeling in the world. We are so very lucky. 

Unfortunately, miscarriage is very common with over 23 million occurring worldwide every year. I didn't realise quite how many people go through this and how many of our friends had. 

If you need any help or support, I have left a few links below for Tommy's. I found their site and socials super helpful throughout our loss and pregnancy. 

Much Love as Always, 

Tommy's  - Miscarriage Support 

Tommy's - Getting Pregnant following a Miscarraige 

Electric Make Up Brush Cleaner | Amazon Best Buy

So, as everyone in lockdown, I'm finding things to do when I am not working or doing housework. I purchased this back before we moved house (blog post to come on that). 

When sorting out my dressing room I came across the package again and decided to give it a go. 

Now I don't know about you, I am horrendous at washing my brushes regularly. Generally choosing to buy new ones instead... bad I know - I am determined to get better at it, especially now I have this little gadget! 

I found this one back in April and there are loads to choose from, so I don't think it necessarily needs to be this one specifically as I'm pretty sure they all do a similar job.

It didn't come with makeup brush cleaner but I generally use Johnson's baby shampoo which works a treat and it super cheap, although if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears. 

                      

The product came with 7 adaptors, one of which with 8 sizes in and as yet I haven't come across a brush that hasn't fit one of them. What I will say is, I have been trying to ensure I use one slightly smaller so it holds it tight and doesn't fly out, covering me in dirty soapy water... which definitely didn't happen... 

Below are some before and after pictures that I remembered to take and I have to say, I didn't think there would be an issue with the cleaning aspect, but the drying I was extremely impressed with. 

The wand has two speeds, the first for cleaning and the second for drying. One thing I have been doing is taking it out of the bowl to use the drying option. (It doesn't say to do this - I just found it helped the drying process) 

                        

I am having to clean my flat brushes manually, but with it only being a couple of my massive stash, I don't mind!

I would love to know how you clean your brushes and what you use.

Much Love as always,